Communication classes for couples: The biggest fear of families is the lack of communication.
Many times, the wife is just halfway through the conversation and the husband is unwilling to talk more. Many couples think that as long as the other person realizes the problem and makes changes, the problem is solved, but the problem is that no one will give in from among their own logic and position. There is no doubt that this is the common problem of such couples, communication is bound to fall into a dead-end cycle.
So how do couples communicate with each other?
I’m Jocelyn. If you have emotional problems, you can ask me for advice. If you are single, maybe you can meet him/her on latemeet.
1. Break the deadly cycle: end ineffective communication
Communication classes for couples: Specific actions: not questioning, not platitudes, not involved in old stories, not labeling
To break this deadly cycle, they both need to see the ineffectiveness of this way of communication and stop using this way to continue to communicate.
There is no way to calmly listen to the speaker’s true intentions through accusations, such as the way May communicates with her husband, a whole paragraph without pauses and rhetorical questions throughout, more like questioning than expressing her needs with the people closest to her.
Communication classes for couples: The husband’s “ego” and “domineering” words are easily attached to his wife and seem to sexualize her. That’s how people are, the more you label them, the more they become labeled. This is equivalent to a husband using the label to frame his wife, making it more “ego” “domineering”.
2. Learn to respond positively
Communication classes for couples: Specific actions: soothe emotions, express feelings, “What do you want me to do?”
If you break the communication cycle of complaining and withdrawing, the next step in communication is to introduce a new mode of expression, changing a hard accusation into a soft accusation.
Communication classes for couples: First, let go of your own pressure and try to think from the other person’s point of view, responding to his feelings, replacing “I can’t do anything” with “what do you want me to do”, then, let the other party to find out the key words he heard, to confirm what he heard Then, let the other person find the key words he heard, make sure what he heard is what the other person wants to say, and then respond to the other person.
You may feel uncomfortable with this type of communication at first, but once you try it, you will know that it works.
The feelings need to be communicated in order to better understand each other and enter each other’s hearts.
Communication classes for couples: No communication to give, it is difficult to let people feel your heart, and sometimes pick up the other party will feel that your payment is a burden.
So some people say.
Communication classes for couples: Communication should be the first step for two people to come together, not the last step, the latter have gone to the point of complicated and confusing and tired of repairing the relationship, there are things to say, rather than give up.
So a good relationship again, but also to maintain sincere, timely and effective communication, the other party to know what you want.
Even if the relationship is good two people, but also to express the real idea.
Because the other party is not you, it is difficult to know what you think, not to mention the so-called empathy.
Communication classes for couples: Only timely communication, in order to better understand each other, tolerate each other, and enhance the feelings between each other.
Read more: How To See Who Your Boyfriend Is Texting?
3. Live with problems
Specific actions: tolerate flaws, cultivate hobbies, preserve space
Communication classes for couples: John Gottman, a famous American psychologist, has come to a conclusion after 40 years of research on marital relationships: most of the problems in a marriage cannot be solved. For example, the difference in habits between husband and wife can sometimes make each other intolerable, and the difference in consumer attitudes can bring a lot of conflicts, as well as the arrangement of priorities in daily life.
So, since so many problems can’t be solved, why not continue to live together with these problems? This is also an important ability to maintain a marriage.
Communication classes for couples: We must realize that marriage is not perfect, not without flaws, such as the matter of bonding, many habits and common hobbies are actually cultivated by bonding, people are not set in stone, couples properly cultivate some common hobbies, such as hiking, watching movies, give yourself a fixed amount of time to cultivate a common hobby, that is the tacit understanding and memories of the couple later.
The lack of communication in the process of getting along with people often leads to a lack of clarity in the division of labor between each and ends up doing nothing.
In any relationship, the biggest fear is not communicating.
Communication classes for couples: Problems are not clearly stated beforehand, and only when something happens do they overreact, speak aggressively or sharply to blame each other, and finally disagree.
Communication classes for couples: If beforehand, each person will be their own ideas, or hope that the other party can do things, communicate with each other in advance, clear their respective division of labor, you can avoid friction.
As Lev Tolstoy said.
Communicating with someone once is often more enlightening than years of hard thinking.
Instead of blindly guessing a person’s mind, it is more effective to talk to him directly.