How to tell if someone is projecting onto you? The concept of projective identity was first proposed by Melanie Klein, and then developed and deduced by the analysts of the object relations school, and gradually became the current concept. In the theory of object relations, projective identity is a behavior pattern that induces others to respond in a limited way.
Generally speaking, I project my own things to you and induce you to react to me in the way I project to you.
There are four common patterns of projective identity in reality, namely, power projective identity, dependence projective identity, catering projective identity and lustful projective identity.
How to tell if someone is projecting onto you? The operation mode of projective identity
Projective identity is a behavior pattern that induces others to respond in a limited way. It can be disassembled into the following three ways:
a. So much of yourself is projected on another that you have a huge distortion of him or her.
b. Stimulate others to produce unpleasant feelings like you
c. Stimulating others makes them feel like you’re not happy and act like the person who made you feel so bad. These three ways are difficult to understand at first sight, because they are internal operation modes, which are difficult for us to detect.
As mentioned above, the defense mechanism is to exclude your own unpleasant feelings, so the defense mechanism of projective identity is to project your own unpleasant feelings onto others. That is to say, it is originally the emotion you feel inside, but you think it is someone else’s.
How to tell if someone is projecting onto you? 4 kinds of projecting way
1. How to tell if someone is projecting onto you? Power projection identity
If you are treated by others in the mode of power projection identification, you can’t help feeling that you are incompetent.
We feel belittled and despised in each other’s behavior. It seems that the other side is omnipotent and omniscient, so we have to give in to each other’s obscene power. The first scene is a process of power projection identification.
We can’t help but identify with each other’s projection to us, but this sense of incompetence is actually each other’s. To be omnipotent is to defend one’s own incompetence.
2. How to tell if someone is projecting onto you? Dependency projection identity
When we are treated by others in the mode of dependency projection identification, we will feel full of value at first, because we are worshipped and dependent by others, but after a long time, we will feel tired and squeezed.
How to tell if someone is projecting onto you? If we refuse each other, then we will think that each other is so weak and needs our protection. If we don’t rely on each other, then we are too merciless.
In fact, the opposite party controls us in this way. Because of the lack of inner security and fear of being abandoned, we will abandon her (him) and be projected to us by her (him). Slowly, if we are in this situation all the time, we will really abandon her (him), and then the idea projected by the other party will come true.
3. How to tell if someone is projecting onto you? Catering projection identity
It’s very comfortable to be treated by others in a way that caters to the projection of identity. The first thing we feel is to be accepted and recognized. The other party is very good to us. But after a long time, we will feel a lot of pressure. If we are not good to each other, we will have a strong sense of guilt. It is in this way that the opposite side controls us.
How to tell if someone is projecting onto you? Catering projection identity actually defends a person’s inner sense of priceless value and lack. Only by being good to others can he or she embody his or her own value.
4. How to tell if someone is projecting onto you? Erotic projection identity
If you are treated by others in the way of erotic projection identification, you can’t help feeling attracted and impulsive by sex. However, if you really get involved, you will be controlled by others in the way of sex. Because he (she) is in this way to control the people around him, to prove that he is worthy of love. In fact, it’s a defense against the idea that you’re not worthy of love.
Finally, when we feel uncomfortable when we get along with others, we need to identify and see if they are controlling us in this way.
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