Love Doesn’t Hurt: The Door Of Love

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Love Doesn’t Hurt: Most people live in fear all their lives. If you realize that no one can make you happy, but that happiness is the result of your love, this is the door of love.

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Love Doesn’t Hurt: The Door Of Love

There is a magic kitchen of love in your heart, but it is full of fear ……

If you realize that no one can make you happy, but that happiness is the result of your love, this is the door of love.

Love Doesn’t Hurt
Most people live in fear all their lives

    • Don’t be like your father…
    • All men are like this…
    • All women are like that…

That’s how we treat the love of our lives, that’s how we treat our children, our friends, and our partners. Relationships are maintained because they feel necessary.
You could say that people’s normal relationships are based on ninety-five percent fear and five percent more.
Of course, this varies from person to person, but even if fear is sixty percent and love is forty percent, the relationship is still based on fear.
Yes, what you think is love is fear.

Love Doesn’t Hurt
See the difference between love and fear

Love Doesn’t Hurt

① Love has no obligations; fear is full of obligations
In the orbit of fear, whatever we do, we do because we have to and expect others to behave because they have to. We have that obligation, but when we have to, people resist.
The greater the resistance, the greater the suffering, and sooner or later we try to avoid the obligation.
However, love does not resist, whatever it does, it does because it wants to do it. It becomes a joy, it’s like a game, and we play it happily.

Love Doesn’t Hurt

② Love has no expectations; fear is full of expectations
With fear, we do things because we expect we have to do them, and we expect that others will do the same thing. Therefore, fear hurts, but love doesn’t.
If we expect something and it doesn’t happen, we feel hurt – “it’s not fair” – and blame others for not meeting our expectations.
When we go to love, we have no expectations. Something is done because we want it, and others act or not because the other person wants it or doesn’t want it, and it’s the same no matter who it is.
When a person has no expectations, it doesn’t matter if nothing happens. We don’t feel hurt because whatever happens is fine.
Therefore, when we are in love, almost nothing hurts us. We don’t expect our lovers to do anything, and we are not obligated to.

Love Doesn’t Hurt

③ Love is based on respect; fear does not respect anything, including itself

If I pity you, it means I don’t respect you.
When I determine that you can’t make your own choices, and I have to make them for you, at that point, I don’t respect you.
If I didn’t respect you, I would have tried to manipulate you.
When we tell our children how to live their lives, it’s mostly because we don’t respect them. We take pity on our children and try to do for them what they should do for themselves.

When I don’t respect myself, I love myself and feel sorry for myself that I am not good enough to make it in the world.

How do you know when you don’t respect yourself? When you say, “I’m so miserable, I’m not strong enough, I’m not smart enough, I’m not beautiful enough, I can’t make something of myself.” Self-love and self-pity come from disrespect.
Compassion comes from respect, from love; pity comes from lack of respect, from fear.
Love is hard-hearted, it pities no one, but truly contains compassion; fear is filled with pity, it pities everyone.
You pity me when you do not respect me when you think I am not strong enough to achieve something.
However, love knows respect. I love you, and I know you will achieve something. I know you are strong enough, smart enough, and good enough to make your own choices. I don’t have to choose for you. You can do it on your own.
If you fall, I can reach out and help you get up, and I will say, “You can do it, come on.” That’s compassion, and it’s not at all the same as pity.

Love Doesn’t Hurt

④ Love is fully responsible; fear avoids responsibility, but that doesn’t mean it’s not responsible

Trying to avoid responsibility is one of the biggest mistakes people make because every action has a consequence. What a person thinks and does bring a consequence.
If a choice is made, we will get a consequence or a reaction. If a choice is not made, we will also get a consequence or reaction. We will experience the consequences of our actions as either this or that.
Accordingly, each person is fully responsible for his or her actions, even if the person does not want to be responsible.
Others may try to pay for your mistakes, but you will eventually pay for your own mistakes, and in this case, you pay twice as much. When others try to take responsibility for you, it only creates a bigger drama.

Love Doesn’t Hurt

⑤ Love is always kind; fear is always unkind

Because of fear, we are filled with obligation, expectation, disrespect, avoidance of responsibility, and self-pity and pity.
How can one feel good when one is burdened with so much fear? We feel hurt by everything, feel angry, sad, jealous, or betrayed.
Anger is just fear with a mask on. Grief is fear with a mask on. Jealousy is fear with a mask on.
With all the emotions that come from the fear of not creating suffering, a person can only pretend to be kind, but is not kind, because it feels bad and unhappy.
In the orbit of love, you are not obligated to feel sorry for yourself or pity your partner; everything is going well for you, so you always have a smile on your face. You feel good about yourself, and you are kind because you are happy.
Love is always kind, and that kindness will make you generous and open every door. Love is generous. Fear is selfish; it only cares about itself. Selfishness closes all doors.

Love Doesn’t Hurt

⑥ Love is unconditional; fear is full of conditions

In the orbit of fear, “I love you” often has conditions attached to it: if you let me control you, if you are good to me, if you fit my imagination ……
I will create an image of how you should be, and because you are not that image and will never be that image, I will judge you and find you guilty.
Many times, I will even be embarrassed for you because you are not the way I want you to be. If you don’t fit the image I have created, you embarrass me, you anger me, and I have absolutely no patience for you. I am pretending to be kind.
In the orbit of love, there are no ifs, no conditions. I love you for no reason. I love you as you are, and you are free to present yourself as you are.
If I don’t like you the way you are, then I better find someone else who is the way I like you.
We don’t have the power to change other people, and they don’t have the power to change us. If we want to change, it is because we want to change, because we don’t want to suffer anymore.

In the orbit of fear, we have so many conditions, expectations, and obligations that we create many rules to protect ourselves from emotional pain, yet the truth is: there should be no rules.
These rules affect the quality of the communication pipeline between you and me because once people are afraid, they lie.
If you expect me to be a certain way, then I will feel obligated to be that way. But the truth is, I am not what you want me to be.
When I present myself truthfully as I am at this moment, you are already hurt and angry.
Then I lied to you because I was afraid of your criticism, I was afraid that you would blame me, find me guilty, and punish me. Not to mention that every time you remembered, you would punish me again and again for the same mistake.

In the orbit of love, there is justice. If a mistake is made, you pay for that mistake only once, and if you truly love yourself, you will learn from that mistake.
In the orbit of fear, there is no justice.
You will make yourself pay for the same mistake a thousand times, and make your partner or friend pay for the same mistake a thousand times.
This will create a sense of injustice and open up a lot of emotional wounds. At this point, of course, you are setting yourself up to fail.

Love Doesn’t Hurt
Try to find the love in your heart

Now that you know what love is and what fear is, the key is entirely yours if you are to find your magic kitchen of love.
The first step is awareness. Understand that each person is dreaming his or her dream.
Once you know this, you will take responsibility for this half of your relationship, which is yourself.

The quality of your communication depends on the choices you make in each moment, whether you align your emotional body to love or fear.
If you catch yourself in the orbit of fear, just having that awareness will shift your attention to the orbit of love.
Simply by seeing where you are and changing your focus, everything around you will change.

If you realize that no one can make you happy, but that happiness is the result of your love, this is the door to love.

In the track of love, you will give more than you take. Because you love yourself so much that you do not allow selfish people to take advantage of you.
When you can speak these following words frankly to others, know that it is not selfishness, but self-love.

I don’t like it when you try to use me, disrespect me, or treat me mean. I don’t need someone to abuse me verbally, emotionally, physically, and I don’t need to hear you curse all the time. It’s not that I’m better than you, but because I love beauty, I love to laugh, I love to have fun, and I love to love.
That doesn’t mean I don’t love you, but I can’t be responsible for your dreams.

Selfishness, manipulation, and fear will ruin almost any relationship; while generosity, freedom, and love will create the most beautiful relationships.

We can talk about love and write a thousand books about it, but for each person, love will be all different, because each person must experience it.
Love has nothing to do with ideas, love is about action. Love in action produces only joy; fear inaction creates only misery.
The only way to become love is to practice love. You don’t need to prove your love, you don’t need to explain your love, you just need to practice your love.
Try to practice it in your life, to find your love.

You might also be interested in: How To Say I Love You Without Saying It? 20 Actions

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— About The Writer —

Cedric S, a psychologist, and a writer from the other side of the earth. Focus on relationship psychology.

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